give me strength...

I had an ok wicked pole dancing lesson on friday night, and then went to a 21st birthday party of one of the pole dancing divas on Saturday night. Although I have been trying to cut back on how much I do one the weekends etc I felt that I could attend this outing without making myself tired the next day. Tim took my pics on saturday but I was unimpressed by everything -ba my back. this has always been the strongest part of me. Tim commented that he didnt know how i can train am and pm like a maniac and then still do other things like practice posing and routines etc.. I dont either..In fact Im thinking I will just try this ANB comp for October 6 Novice figure and then go back to training and eating to gain lean muscle.Financially, Emotionally, Physically and Mentally this year has placed a great strain on me. I spoke to Josh about it and he asked what triggered my self doubt and going off track minimally eating wise.. I feel that I am always not good enough because in the past those that dont even know me or how hard it is with Uc and As to keep on truckin' think they can and have judged me. My looks attitude character and decisions. Im sure everyone has their ups and downs that are similar to me-but does any one ever take into consideration tryingto be better than everyone else on stage when its hard enough just making your body do what it does not want to do in the first place?

Honestly -im not winging just saying how it is....I will look forward to completing this journey-training for a year and then coming back at a National standard-at leastIll still have my routine if I choose another federation to ompete in-and use it-the routine Jo cleverly choreographed....

jewel...