Mirror Mirror on the wall!

Hey guys

I had been feeling odd yesterday and mentioned this to hubby.
I piked out of doing the full amount of hours I was meant to do for overtime and when I got home JUST made myself do posing practice. Yesterday I basically couched it for the rest of the day.

I let my hubby go out with his mates as we ended up skipping trying out a new church that has services Sat pm at 6pm. I lay on the couch snuggled up to my siamese-Flute and waited patiently for my beddybye time to come. (By this time it was only 7pm!!!:))Anywho- my issues that i spoke about yesterday were (and are) still playing on my mind.

This am I did my cardio before coming into work. I found the reason I was feeling odd, shaky and generally weak was because I had been (close your ears if you are medically adverse) bleeding from the bowel-this is part of my condition-Ulcerative colitis.
Yesterday when returning for work
I had a huge craving for gloria jeans white mocha chocolate-my FAV drink and wanted to have this before too late in the day-so Hubby and I went and got one. We also got a digital set of scales as my manual food weighing machine went bust.(Soon too will be my blender!)
I am not meant to have dairy at all and this is my "cheat meal" currently that I have once a week. Unfortunately it can also set off my condition, if it is already brewing.

I am fine but it tells me why for the past few weeks I have been feeling weak, had insomnia, lost weight, feeling low and generally blah. It Is something that I have lived with for more than seven years but have only been diagnosed with it in 2000.
It is frustrating when others tell you you look great and then at other times say you look very sick or when those training you may think you are not doing everything they say or correctly.
It is also why I know I must work closely with a trainer re diet and work outs so that they truly understand the nature of the beast.

People have a hard time understanding the condition because its symptoms apart from the obvious are often unseen, and in an athlete of our kind can prodcue a look of overtraining or malnutrition. I wont go on about it but if you wish to have a look at the website in my blog regarding this then you can read a summary of this.

I had also been having trouble with stiffness lower back pain and feet that felt broken. This was mainly due to AS-again which you can research in my website. An example of how and what I have been through both physically financially and emotionally is Tober's experience:http://www.eraseas.com/community.asp

This am I looked in the mirror and looked very pumped-i thought to myself I can DO this comp and all I need is to believe in myself and be the best that I can be, and not let others ideas of what should or shouldnt be for me interfere with my thoughts or dreams. Its only up to ME.

So as per usual I gave myself a kick up the bott bott (not physically) and have once again retunred to my natual passionate state about training and putting in the hard yards. Which i ALWAYS do but being a perfectionist good is never good enough.